Dull

My mom died.
My mom died.
My mom died.

These words keep running through my head.
When I open my eyes in the morning
when I am looking out the window
when I am standing in the shower
when I hear a song in the grocery store.

The feeling of loss drives down upon me
And I miss you
I miss you in a way that is hard to describe
I feel so  alone.
So alone without you on this earth with me
Hoping for me, fighting for me, shining your light on me

I always knew I was your person.
The person you wanted to be around.
The person you loved so much.
The person you wanted to talk to when you were lonely.
I knew I was that person for you

I did not realize you were my person too
The person I could call when I felt alone
The person who always told me if life falls apart you have a place to come home to.
The person who could tell from the tone of my voice if I was sick or scared or happy.

Now that you are gone
The world feels harsher
I have less faith that things will be ok
Less faith the world is good
I feel scared of what could happen next
Where my path will lead when it falls apart
I have lost my shine.
My ability to see the good
To push out positive
energy to those around me.

I am dull now.
Hurt.
Empty
Sad
Spent
Nothing left to give.