Up to Now

February 1, 2008 - Friday

I’ve known

I've known sand filled beaches

and orange red skys

I've traveled through crowded streets

and stood on top of buildings

I've seen people with nothing smile

and those with everything cry

I've left all that I knew

to find more of myself

I've gone through losses

that would break most

I've known friendships that lasted a minute

and friendships that will exist forever

I've known winters too cold

and summers hot as hell

I've loved too hard

and been heartbroken

loved too little

and let others down

I've drank to the bottom of the bottle

and found it was not the only thing empty

I've stood on the edge of a cliff

and found a way to get down

I've been on the outside looking in

and then on the inside fighting

to get out

I've faced my fears

and found peace in my soul

I've given so much to some people

and barely anything at all to others

I've thought about giving up

then had the sun shine directly in my eyes

I've laughed more than I've cried

I've had many more good days than bad

I've been blessed

January 3, 2008 - Thursday

illumination

These thoughts are mine

It is up to me for them to be

I choose light over dark

Joy instead of heartache

A smile with each step

I walk alone but with many

There is no end in sight

Only vision of the road ahead

Is it me or you that brings us here

Fire and light can only be seen

If held in the right direction

Never backward always forward

In the shadows are those

who wait for us to fail

But this journey is mine

If you want to come along

Turn the light ahead

And help me lead the way

October 24, 2007 - Wednesday

hard rocks

When you are here with me

I can feel your heart beat

Taste your breath upon my neck

Your fingers in my hair

Know your lips upon my eyes

But when you are gone

The space between us

Grows with every day

You build up walls

To keep me out

Or to keep you in

I'm spinning round

Trying to reach you

Never the first nor the last

A little here and a little there

Just like waves crashing

I keep throwing myself

Hard against the rocks

Not wanting it to be over

My heart is caught there

And your indifference

Has me struggling

September 2, 2007 - Sunday

keep this

I want to meet with your mind

Get inside and see what moves you

Tugs at your soul

Opens and closes the doors

Where do I get in

Come on now and try to let me

Climb some walls for me baby

Pushing you over the edge

Levels jumping around

Touch me way down deep and

Give me something

I can fucking keep

Make it worth my time

Give me your smiles your moments

Fire it up in those eyes

Take out a little bit of hope

Leave it here with me

Fighting for your grind

Stand next to me in the street

In all the places you call yours

Pull them together with me

Put your trust in a thing called us

April 27, 2007 - Friday

without

I move with you

in you through you

under you

without you

looking back at the

scattered moments

you and me

memories dancing

feeling my heart beat

and my breath catch

then you are walking

and I am left tumbling

You build me up and

then break me down

I recover and move away

but you keep drawing me back

Wanting more time

when do you know

if the fire will burn you

or give you everything you need

this feeling is strong

trying to get past it

move around it

ignore it

or maybe I am just

waiting for it

You are here but not

reaching out and pulling back

you surround me

as you leave me on the floor

May 6, 2006 - Saturday

music for the way

Hold in the need

your thoughts are words

Tread with light steps

Under the bridge

increase your speed

Silence rings in the air

but not in your ears

Torn up sheets

and brokedown beats

how many lights red then green

Toast your friends

and hold them close

Spill a few drinks

palm trees and benches

Put it down then turn around

enjoy the view

Maybe its in the lights

or the smoke from your cigarette

the wind will take it away

Beware of the crack that catches your heel

running down the walk

narrow streets and strangers

danger whispers with a voice

memory's of laughter

bring a quick smile

Lazy summer in the sand

feel the concrete below your feet

in a day then the night

Travel a few hours

bring a new number

throw back some soul

Along for the show

April 17, 2006 - Monday

wanderer

Back in my corner of the world

Stare down upon the stretching lights

Wonder if this is the right place

If I am in the right waiting line

Gaze ahead at recycled days

Restlessness moves my soul

Plan a trip that comes and goes

Settle down in this life

Or sell it all and search for awhile

Something new somewhere sunny

Keep these dreams or look for more

Know somedays the light is here

but others bring pain from the crowds

I am good for now

Seems to be the only answer I find

What do I want with these years

Is it real, will it last

If not my eyes will be much older

And I may have lost this need

To search to create to find

To laugh out loud and

re-tell a story

but a whisper says

put in the time to make a life

or there will be no home

to call your own

January 6, 2006 - Friday

soul coughing

sit in silence on the couch

flick the lighter till it works

bloodshot eyes see no glory

fill your lungs till it hurts

wait for the smoke to hit you right

Distant emotion is justified

look up the street and then down

figure out the way to go

pick it up and hold it close

wasted moments turn to years

let the smoke surround you

cough out the memory

hobby turned to habit

fight to be above the struggle

instead your soul is down

so you close your eyes

to the early warning light

March 27, 2006 - Monday

southern shore

Go back to the place before

roll down the windows and turn up the music

look for the things you used to know

the places you used to go

sit on the beach and soak in the sun

run your fingers through the sand

wait for the feeling to come

drive along your old streets

Watching the ghost of yourself

and those you used to know

memories of a different life

smile at the people with familiar faces

running through the same conversations

wait for the feeling to come

Say goodbye and fly away

stare out the window of the plane

watch the swamp turn to ocean

letting go of what was

take the long way to Now

walk through the busy streets

feel the peace in your heart

there is no going back

for home is no longer

on a southern shore

March 20, 2006 - Monday

design

Her life was torn before

the fabric running back

was filled with burns and holes

Dreams balanced slipping through

The ashes that fell from those around

and then from her own hand

left her barely hanging on

Erasing the unhappiness

with a mind fading to black

The stitching started

with someone

who cared enough to see the damage

Tough enough to offer a choice

take it or leave it

and she reached out

The fabric warped with scars

grew stronger with each stitch

and though the design was

woven by chaos

It grew steady enough

to hold up her life

and the hopes of those who loved her

March 9, 2006 - Thursday

city life

Traveling light

through these crowded streets

jumping over puddles

trying to catch the time

Making wrong turns and

ending up in new places

filled with so many unfamiliar faces

Play a song on the jukebox and

stay until they ask you not to go

Chase the sun that filters

down through the buildings

Search for some warmth

Lean into a strangers conversation

but keep your opinion to your self

Below you graffiti clad walls

stretch away from the city

Escape somedays to tree lined roads

and waves in the ocean

but as the skyline looms before you

Hold onto the excitment

as you journey down the path ahead

March 4, 2006 - Saturday

cold

cement floor painted grey

four walls surrounding you

locked inside

no future to look forward to

only a past to replay

regret seeping through your bones

wishing for mail

praying to turn back the pages

but no one is left to hear

the sound of angry voices

and hopeless people echo

through the long corridor

same routine day in and out

trying to get stronger with no books

just weights and people who push

a life you loath down your throat

how did it turn out this way

you ask yourself as you lay in the dark

on a mattress that offers no comfort

never seeing the smiles of your last love

he grows up only knowing the story

of you and of him

the friends you had left long ago

confused with cloudy thoughts

too sad for them to bear

memory's are pushed into the black

and its like you were never here

For this life cannot be given back

once it has gone cold

January 23, 2006 - Monday

honestly

Within this heart lies an area of grey

Where did you go - what did you do

Have you become a shifted memory

instead of someone real

Did I switch it in my mind

purposely leaving you behind.

Am I honest when I think of you

Fighting then loving

Hating then running

Going back in total denial.

I stopped asking what I wanted for me

Hoping to be what you wanted for you.

Pushing through your unfaithfulness

Confessing a need for me that echoes

the voice inside my head.

Confused I reach for you

and can't let go

On the edge

holding my breath

not moving forward

Trapped inside

An us that is choking

The person I wanted to be

no longer looking in the mirror

December 26, 2005 - Monday

Here with me

And then you were there

breathing the same air as me

You held my heart in your hand

and I tried to let you know

With a smile and a whisper

I moved my fingers across your forehead

And the look in your eyes

twisted the hope in my chest

Let me be with you in the

early morning light

Without fear or selfishness or regret

For I have traveled through this life alone

and to have you here with me

takes my breath away