Dull

My mom died.
My mom died.
My mom died.

These words keep running through my head.
When I open my eyes in the morning
when I am looking out the window
when I am standing in the shower
when I hear a song in the grocery store.

The feeling of loss drives down upon me
And I miss you
I miss you in a way that is hard to describe
I feel so  alone.
So alone without you on this earth with me
Hoping for me, fighting for me, shining your light on me

I always knew I was your person.
The person you wanted to be around.
The person you loved so much.
The person you wanted to talk to when you were lonely.
I knew I was that person for you

I did not realize you were my person too
The person I could call when I felt alone
The person who always told me if life falls apart you have a place to come home to.
The person who could tell from the tone of my voice if I was sick or scared or happy.

Now that you are gone
The world feels harsher
I have less faith that things will be ok
Less faith the world is good
I feel scared of what could happen next
Where my path will lead when it falls apart
I have lost my shine.
My ability to see the good
To push out positive
energy to those around me.

I am dull now.
Hurt.
Empty
Sad
Spent
Nothing left to give.

I'm Free

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I head Him call,
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way,
I found that place at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, He set me free.

 

Author Unknown

For My Mom

Tribe

Colorado View

This is the view from our first apartment in Colorado. Mountains and sunsets. It has been a long ten months. Leaving New York was harder than I ever imagined. I thought here I would find the peace I longed for. Instead my heart has been restless and sad and challenged. But I am growing. And I am changing. And that is what my life needed more than peace.

Gone girl

You gave up

Too many questions

within your soul

Too much sadness

for you to control

This life I cherish

This life I fight for

This beautiful crazy life.....

Was too much for you

Filled with sadness

you could not shake

Tears flow

Down my face

I saw darkness

In your eyes

But did not know

There was no time

Rest now my friend

Without your sorrow

You left us here

with no explanation

to borrow